Dear Caitlin: Why do men keep leaving me even though I’m giving them 100%??

Dear Caitlin: Why do men keep leaving me even though I’m giving them 100%??

560475_2991330357025_2074387617_nDear Caitlin,

I have had a couple relationships in the past few years. I dated one guy for 2 years, and another for one year. I give these men 100 percent, and they leave me. They leave without even saying goodbye. They literally stop talking to me, refuse to answer me, and then call me crazy when I keep trying to talk to them. It’s not like we dated for a month and I’m confused about them. We are talking years, and then totally nothing. Not even a goodbye. What’s up with that? I don’t get it. I’m losing hope that I’ll find someone and I’m afraid if I do, he’ll just leave again.

Thanks,

Hoping You Can Help The Hopeless

Dear Hopeless,

I hesitate to address you as hopeless because there really is still a lot of hope, even though I know you are discouraged. And, just so you know, this actually happens quite often. Yes, even after people are in a relationship for a couple of years,  they will cut ties in a cruel, harsh way.

I’m curious about giving 100 percent. What does that mean? Sometimes people make the mistake of giving 100 percent to the other person at the expense of themselves. The art of relationships comes when you can balance giving yourself to someone, so to speak, without neglecting yourself. By that I mean, you have needs that need to be met. If you’re always sacrificing your own needs—what you want to do, what you expect from partners, how you expect to be treated, and so on—you’re abandoning yourself. And, you’re teaching your partners that it’s ok to abandon you too. You can be dedicated to your partners and still be dedicated to yourself. People struggle to know the difference between being selfish, and self-care.

You teach people how to treat you. It starts with how you treat yourself. If you don’t meet your own needs, others will think it’s ok not to meet them as well.

Have hope!!

My best,

Caitlin

P.S. I hope the photo of my cat, Potato, helps cheer you up! 🙂

 

The information contained on Caitlin’s Couch, including but not limited to, text, graphics, images and any other material thereon, is for entertainment and informational purposes only. It is not intended to (and does not), provide medical advice, professional diagnosis, opinion, treatment or services to the reader or to any other individual.  The sole purpose of Caitlin’s Couch is to promote discussion, dialogue and awareness of various topics relating to lifestyle and mental health. It is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified healthcare provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition or treatment, and before undertaking a new health care regimen.  Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have read on Caitlin’s Couch.

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