Louie C.K.’s Episode, “So Did The Fat Lady,” Sends An Important Message About Dating And Relationships

Louie C.K.’s Episode, “So Did The Fat Lady,” Sends An Important Message About Dating And Relationships

Sarah Baker’s response to Louie C.K. about being a fat girl in the following scene is magnificent for many reasons. Her character, Vanessa, knows and accepts that she is overweight. She doesn’t base her self-worth on it, and she doesn’t base other people’s worth on their looks either. She is frustrated because she knows that other people do this. Vanessa thinks she and Louie would make a good couple. Louie would not be open to dating Vanessa because he sees in her what he dislikes in himself: imperfections. Louie’s lack of self-esteem keeps him from giving her a chance. Until Louie accepts himself, he will look for partners who make him feel better about himself. He is more likely to find happiness if he chooses who to date based on the connection he feels, rather than seeking partners who temporarily elevate his self-esteem. If you have trouble getting into relationships, and you recognize that you have low self-esteem, this pattern may sound familiar to you. Unless you accept and love yourself as you are, you will look  for a partner, but you won’t find one until you start looking for a good match, not self-esteem.

The following excerpt is from the episode, “So Did The Fat Lady.”  If you haven’t seen it, at least check out the full clip by clicking the link at the end of this post:

Vanessa: Ugh, dammit. That is so goddamn disappointing, Louie.

Louie, you know what the meanest thing is you can say to a fat girl? “You’re not fat.” I mean, come on, buddy. It just sucks. It really really sucks. You have no idea. And the worst part is, I’m not even supposed to do this. Tell anyone how bad it sucks, because it’s too much for people. I mean, you, you can talk into the microphone and say you can’t get a date, you’re overweight. It’s adorable. But if I say it, they call the suicide hotline on me.

I mean, can I just say it? I’m fat. It sucks to be a fat girl. Can people just let me say it? It sucks. It really sucks. And I’m going to go ahead and say it. It’s your fault.

Look, I really like you, you’re truly a good guy, I think. I’m so sorry. I’m picking you. On behalf of all the fat girls, I’m making you represent all the guys. Why do you hate us so much? What is is about the basics of human happiness, feeling attractive, feeling loved, having guys chase after us, that’s just not in the cards for us? Nope. Not for us.

How is that fair? And why am I supposed to just accept it?

Louie: You know, Vanessa, you’re a very, really beautiful—

Vanessa: If I was a very, really beautiful, then you would have said yes when I asked you out. I mean, come on, Louie, be honest here. You know what’s funny? I flirt with guys all the time. And I mean the great looking ones, the really high-caliber studs? They flirt right back, no problem. Because they know their status will never be questioned. But guys like you never flirt with me, because you get scared that maybe you should be with a girl like me.

And why not? You know, if you were standing over there looking at us, you know what you’d see? That we totally match. We’re actually a great couple together. And yet, you would never date a girl like me. Have you ever dated a girl that was heavier than you? Have you?

Louie: Yes I have, yes I have.

Vanessa: No no no, I didn’t say have you ever fucked a fat girl, Louie. I’m sure you have. Every guy has. I mean, when I met you, if I had said, “Hey, do you want to go to the bathroom and screw on a big can of peaches?” you would have gone for it. No, I’m saying, have you ever dated a fat girl. Have you ever kissed a fat girl? Have you ever wooed a fat girl? Have you ever held hands with a fat girl? Have you ever walked down the street in the light of day, holding hands, with a big girl like me?

Go ahead. Hold my hand. What do you think is going to happen? You think your dick is going to fall off if you hold hands with a fat girl? You know what the sad thing is? It’s all I want. I mean, I can get laid. Any woman who is willing can get laid. I don’t want that. I don’t even need a boyfriend or a husband. All I want is to hold hands with a nice guy, and walk and talk —

Unconditional Self-Love
In order to have a healthy relationship with someone else, you have to have a healthy relationship with yourself. Unconditional self- love means you love yourself without condition; you love yourself when it is not easy to do so. It means you accept yourself even though you have qualities you wish were different. It means you know you are a good person even if you make mistakes, have regrets, and aren’t perfect. It means knowing that the things you like about yourself matter just as much, if not more, than those which you don’t like.

This kind of self-love comes from within you, and is not based on external factors. People who love themselves unconditionally don’t base their worth solely on their successes or failures, nor do they believe that other people’s opinions of them are necessarily true. They may feel hurt or disappointed, but they know who they are no matter what anyone says. Judging yourself by external factors leads to very unstable self-esteem.

Get Out Of Your Own Way And Find A Partner
When people define themselves by what they hate about themselves, they often define others who possess similar qualities, the same way. When looking for a relationship, they will dismiss those people from the pool of potential partners without getting to know them. Finding a good match is hard, so it’s best to find ways to expand your options, rather than limiting them because of an unhealthy relationship with yourself.

When you resolve your issues with yourself, you will be less frustrated by the dating world. You will choose people who are a better fit for you, which will lessen the quantity of bad dates that you go on, and increase the quality of your dates.

Keep in mind, self-acceptance doesn’t mean you have given up on improving or reaching your goals. It means that you become ok with yourself as you are today, knowing you can work on things for the future.

If you want to get into a happy and healthy relationship, it’s time to work on your self-esteem and confidence, and get out of your own way!

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